Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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