Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
