I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
