Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
