Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
