we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
