I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
