a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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