This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
