he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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