I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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