I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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