My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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