I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got inside last night via doggy door
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
