i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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