her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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