thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
sarcasm needs its own font
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
