Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
