The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
