its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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