so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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