Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
