We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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