can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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