Sponge bath it is.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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