shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
