Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
