I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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