DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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