I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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