Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
