Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
