A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
