went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it glows. i had to have it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
