You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
