Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
