I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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