I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
