I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
