your thong is hanging out like whoa
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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