I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
