Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
two words: eviction party
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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