my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
