btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
