Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
