Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
