she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
