this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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