Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
