Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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