I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
