She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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