I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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