I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
