I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
