please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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