ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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