alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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